No, there’s no killer space bees or space ants. Just a big enough push to get you feeling like you’re actually accomplishing stuff. I’ve talked with other XBLIG reviewers and they agree: Xenominer doesn’t get you off to a quick enough start, like all great time sinks do. Once I noticed how much time had passed versus the amount of fun I had up to that point (which would be none), I couldn’t hit the power button fast enough. Hell, there’s two time sinks on my top 10 list: Miner Dig Deep and Smooth Operators. Xenominer was unquestionably going to be a time sink. After an hour (including more respawns) I had found the silicon I needed, but no copper. I fucking turned over half the world looking for the shit, going through more oxygen tanks than a 70-year-old chain smoker. I did survive and was tasked with building something that required copper. Upon respawning, the sun was still up and I instantly started taking damage. I did attempt to pass the time by drilling deeper, but then my battery ran out of juice, and then I ran out of oxygen, and then I expired. Most games that makes you wait for stuff to happen are probably not going to win any Nobel Prizes for Fun. So I redug myself and waited for the sun to pass. I wasn’t sure how long to wait, and I didn’t want to press my eyeballs up against the TV to find out, so I undug myself and ended up irradiated. So I dug myself down a few blocks and covered myself up with them. This causes radiation to rain down upon you. Most of the HUD displays are too small, but I was able to suck up the ice and covert it to oxygen. It’s also written in an alpha-numeric font, which never looks good when it’s smaller than an ant’s penis. Even with a TV large enough that it’s one of the seven wonders of the world, the text that identifies the blocks is practically microscopic. Although I got as far as “ice = shiny” I couldn’t actually tell the difference between an ice block and a crystal block. Then the game wanted me to suck up ice to replenish my dwindling oxygen. Hey, this might not be so bad, I thought. Second thing: the jumping is really good. First thing I noticed: the graphics are clean. So I started the game and went through a brief tutorial that made me suck up various blocks and then reposition them in the open world. This is a slate so clean you could perform surgery on it. I have no bias acquired from the games it borrows elements from. I go into it with no preconceived notions of what to expect. I can’t compare Xenominer to something I haven’t played, so this final Uprising review will be somewhat unique. Obvious joke warning: Minecraft….IN SPAAAAAAACCCEEEEEEEEEE!!!
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